Catching Up

As a precursor to this entry, I'd like to say something about pronouns.  TK has told me this week that she has decided that "girls are better" (at what, I don't know) and that she has decided she is going to be a girl for this school year.  Based on what our therapist has told me lately, this type of announcement is to be expected.  It could be TK's way of saying she wants to be a girl full-time, but is still afraid of total commitment.  On that note, most of the kids in her class believe she is a girl and she has asked me to use female pronouns when school friends are around.  Because of that, I am going to try my damnedest to use female pronouns on this blog, in hopes that writing it will help my mouth say the right thing.  It's a hard thing, changing pronouns.  Give it a shot sometime.  Talk about your child in the opposite pronoun. It is not easy to break that habit.  



So I've been glued to Orange Is the New Black lately.  It took awhile for me to warm up to what I viewed as glorified porn in the pilot, but for anyone as put off as I was, stick with it.  It's well worth it.  Don't get me wrong, I'm no prude.  I just think that if you're gonna watch/read porn, do it.  Don't wrap it up in a pretty title and call it literature or a simple tv show.  I'm looking at you, 50 Shades!  Pft....literature!  Puh-lease!

Anyway, so Orange.  It took me 6 weeks to get around to watching episode 2, and 6 days to finish season 1.  The reason I'm writing about it here is Sophia Burset, played by the lovely Laverne Cox.  I'm probably a total child but I think it's teehee hilarious that a trans woman has the surname Cox.  Teehee!  But seriously, near the beginning of the season, one episode focused on Sophia's past, namely on her transition from big burly fireman to svelte and sexy woman.  This alone touched me, as the idea of someone in a career like firefighting must go through hell to make that transition.  However, what really struck home was Sophia's wife. There is a scene (this isn't really a spoiler...I hope) where her wife is eagerly waiting to see a new outfit Sophia is trying on.  Cowboy boots and a mini skirt.  The wife tells Sophia it's not working and Sophia pouts like a lost little girl.  This 6 foot something firefighter pouts like a girl and says she never got to dress like a teenager.  Her wife tells her she never will and finds a classy dress for Sophia to try on.  It was this entire poignant moment that portrayed the agony of Sophia's transition, that of the wife being encourage while still hurt and confused, and of the pain of their relationship changing, mixed with the happiness of Sophia finally being herself.  Tears rolled down my face.

TK is 8, in 3rd grade.  She wears tutus and sparkly skirts, glitter shoes, bedazzled pants, and leopard print leggings.  She dresses like a kindergartner.  She stands out like a sore thumb against the other 3rd grade girls.  A very glittery sore thumb.  She doesn't seem to notice or care.  It is obvious though, that she missed that stage and is making up for it now.  I am just so glad that she's catching up now in 3rd grade, and not later when she's 35.  I can't even begin to imagine.  I can't fathom what it would be like to go through this as an adult.  Right now, TK is a child.  She is ever-changing and growing, learning and failing, figuring out who she is.  To do that now means that hardly anyone outside our family will remember this transition.  Hell, she may not even remember it that clearly.  As an adult, everyone would remember and it'd hurt over and over as she ran into people she hadn't seen in years.  I've been told so many times that she is so lucky to go through this now, that we as a family are lucky, that it is easier.  I don't think I've believed it before but I most certainly do now.  Between being told off last week by a parent of a trans man about how "easy" I had it, (oh yeah, that happened) and watching this episode, I've seen how true it is.  I'm thankful that TK has been able to do this so young and I have to say that although it seems like the biggest hurdle in the world, I know that no matter how it ends up, this period of her life will fade in everybody's memory and whoever she is at 35 won't be affected by who she is today.